Inside the Head of a TV Junkie

Ok, so here’s the deal.

I randomly received an email on Tuesday evening from the same friend that was being a dick to me almost a year ago. He sends me the stupidest email… it will be included below. Seriously, there is something wrong with him. Oh well, doesn’t matter, it’s done. He no longer wants to be friends which is fine with me. Considering I haven’t really hung out with this friend in a long time, it’s no big loss. Anyway, read it below if you like. Comment if you wish. I’m done talking about it now because it’s not worth my time. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I just wrote a long-winded letter to you bringing up past events and calling you out on several specific events about which I think you are being dishonest with me. In the e-mail I even offered a large cash reward if you could prove me wrong on any of my assertions. After finishing it and reflecting on it for a while, I decided to discard that draft because I know it would not make matters any better for either one of us. Just like in the past, I attribute your actions on factors internal to you, and you would have come back with external attributions for each point I bring up, or claim ignorance, one by one. Each attribution seem look fine when examined individually, but the sum result is ignorable: you treat me like crap for no reason that you will share.

I wish you had been honest with me rather than playing games and taking emotional gut-shots at me. Over the years, I opened up to you enough so that you know how to push my buttons. Lately you don’t hold back at all in doing just that. You draw me in just close enough to keep me in turmoil, but not close enough to gain any of the mutual benefits of companionship. I must admit that you’re very masterful at maintaining that balance, but I’ve recently reached critical mass and now I am utterly sick of it. I miss the old Dan, and I feel like an old friend is gone. I am quite certain now that the old Dan won’t be returning any time soon, and probably never.

I’m sure now you’re probably thinking, “fine, fuck you, I don’t need you and I’ll show you,” which pretty much sums up your attitude for the last year or so – that attitude is nothing new.

You know me well enough to see that I keep my good lifelong friends bonded together and it just doesn’t feel natural for me to go against that core value. However I really see no other option in this unique situation. The honest truth is I only wish the best for you. Maybe one day far off in the future we can find the good parts in each other again. I really believe that this is for the best and that I’m making the best decision for both of us.

(my response)

I’m sorry that you think our friendship has turned into a battlefield because I have never seen it as such. I wish you would have decided to have a discussion (in person) about this instead of making a statement.

You say that the “old Dan” is gone but I don’t’ think I’ve changed other than the fact that I am no longer wish to prove my friendship/loyalty to you on an ongoing basis. I’m tired of being questioned on my loyalty as a friend since I’ve never had to explain myself with any of other friends.

I see that you’ve obviously made up your mind to end the friendship, which is definitely your call to make. I won’t discuss this anymore. I’m not going to exert the energy needed to repair something that don’t feel is broken in the first place. I hope that in the future, when we are in group situations, you can at least extend the courtesy of being congenial and civil so as not to make the others in our group feel awkward.