Posts tagged crappy friends
Crappy Friends Update 2
Mar 8th
Ok, so here’s the deal.
I randomly received an email on Tuesday evening from the same friend that was being a dick to me almost a year ago. He sends me the stupidest email… it will be included below. Seriously, there is something wrong with him. Oh well, doesn’t matter, it’s done. He no longer wants to be friends which is fine with me. Considering I haven’t really hung out with this friend in a long time, it’s no big loss. Anyway, read it below if you like. Comment if you wish. I’m done talking about it now because it’s not worth my time. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I just wrote a long-winded letter to you bringing up past events and calling you out on several specific events about which I think you are being dishonest with me. In the e-mail I even offered a large cash reward if you could prove me wrong on any of my assertions. After finishing it and reflecting on it for a while, I decided to discard that draft because I know it would not make matters any better for either one of us. Just like in the past, I attribute your actions on factors internal to you, and you would have come back with external attributions for each point I bring up, or claim ignorance, one by one. Each attribution seem look fine when examined individually, but the sum result is ignorable: you treat me like crap for no reason that you will share.
I wish you had been honest with me rather than playing games and taking emotional gut-shots at me. Over the years, I opened up to you enough so that you know how to push my buttons. Lately you don’t hold back at all in doing just that. You draw me in just close enough to keep me in turmoil, but not close enough to gain any of the mutual benefits of companionship. I must admit that you’re very masterful at maintaining that balance, but I’ve recently reached critical mass and now I am utterly sick of it. I miss the old Dan, and I feel like an old friend is gone. I am quite certain now that the old Dan won’t be returning any time soon, and probably never.
I’m sure now you’re probably thinking, “fine, fuck you, I don’t need you and I’ll show you,” which pretty much sums up your attitude for the last year or so – that attitude is nothing new.
You know me well enough to see that I keep my good lifelong friends bonded together and it just doesn’t feel natural for me to go against that core value. However I really see no other option in this unique situation. The honest truth is I only wish the best for you. Maybe one day far off in the future we can find the good parts in each other again. I really believe that this is for the best and that I’m making the best decision for both of us.
(my response)
I’m sorry that you think our friendship has turned into a battlefield because I have never seen it as such. I wish you would have decided to have a discussion (in person) about this instead of making a statement.
You say that the “old Dan” is gone but I don’t’ think I’ve changed other than the fact that I am no longer wish to prove my friendship/loyalty to you on an ongoing basis. I’m tired of being questioned on my loyalty as a friend since I’ve never had to explain myself with any of other friends.
I see that you’ve obviously made up your mind to end the friendship, which is definitely your call to make. I won’t discuss this anymore. I’m not going to exert the energy needed to repair something that don’t feel is broken in the first place. I hope that in the future, when we are in group situations, you can at least extend the courtesy of being congenial and civil so as not to make the others in our group feel awkward.
Just a quickie
Mar 7th
More info will be forthcoming but I needed to post something. I got a very interesting email last night out of the blue. It goes back to the whole crappy friends tag I’ve been using (feel free to re-read some of that fun). Anyway, I’ll post more later tonight. I have to get to work right now. I’m sure I’ll get good advice from all of you on it.
Leave Me Alone!
Feb 19th
Jesus H. Christ! Fuck.
Here it is. I’m doing a friend a favor by getting them MSFT software at cheap prices… very cheap prices. Vista came out sometime in Feb, I can’t even remember. It was pointless to take note of the date. Anywho, this person is extremely IMPATIENT!! I’m doing them a favor… you’ll get the software when you get the software! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT WHEN IT WILL ARRIVE!! They’ll have it on Thursday, unless MSFT doesn’t restock their supply by Wednesday. I can’t wait to hear the bitching and moaning if it is not available on Thursday. WHATEVER.
Speaking of CRAPPY FRIENDS… every day that goes by this week is another day closer to my losing $100 because I won’t be able to use the ticket to Spain my friend had me buy before she even had her GD passport. UGH! So FUCKING annoying. I’m trying to be positive though… but it’s hard.
Wow, I’m so glad the people I’m talking about are not on LJ and cannot be my friends… hahaha. I can vent to friends on here about friends I deal with on a daily basis.
Friend Development
Jul 19th
Ok, so the guy who no longer speaks to me sent me 2 SMS messages the other day… yeah… him.
He’s deemed the 3rd Tuesday of July a holiday and celebrates it (probably just for shits and giggles?). Anyway, I got two txts on Tuesday wishing me a Happy 3rd Tuesday of July. Once in the morning and once after 10pm when he got out of school. I think he was searching for people to celebrate with because the two people he did call that I spoke with were both busy and uninterested. Hmmmm… what was the motivation behind these txt messages? I can’t ask because I’ve been forbidden from speaking to him… oh well, a mystery that will never be solved.
Crappy!!
Jul 10th
OH MY GOD.
Just a small gripe… People who have me carry their debt. I am a good friend in many ways. One of these ways is paying for things for a group so that it is just easier for us all. Well, some people have begun to abuse this and I’ve been carrying their debt for a while now. Now, normally, if this was a small amount, then I wouldn’t mind so much but when it’s $100+ it gets to be annoying. What else gets to be annoying… when they repeatedly say “you have a good job, you can afford it.” First of all, that’s not the point. Second, You have no idea what my finances are so how can you say that?
Anyway, just a small vent for today. Drinking a Molson Ice to cool down and end the day on a good note (I forgot how much I enjoy the Molson brand).
I need your help!
Jul 4th
So this is only viewable by friends because only a select few are friends on LJ. So I need your advice.
I got the invitation to the wedding yesterday. What should I do? What would you do in my situation?
I’m 70/30 RSVP-ing no.
This is the wedding with the crappy jackass who is being an ass to me and is currently not speaking to me at all.
Please put your thoughts in the comments. I must RSVP by the 21st of July.
Update! Already!!
Jun 10th
Wow, so the update came and it was way faster than I had expected! In the form of an IM, follows:
Him> You’re an asshole.
Me> Huh?
Him> Don’t talk to me anymore.
Me> ok.
Him> I don’t talk to assholes.
Ok, so what?!?! What sort of crack is he smoking? Obviously not the good stuff!
Sucks to be him. That’s it for me. The line has been streatched way beyond it’s breaking point and now it’s given way. All I got to say is…
Fuck Him!
My Friends, My Life
Jun 10th
Ok all, a much anticipated update to my LJ.
I was speaking with jello_queen today about the situation I’m having with one of my friends. I believe I’ve journaled about this before so there is no need for the back story. At this point, i’m almost thinking of changing the name of my journal to “Why are tlvsnjunkie’s friends so crappy?” or “A day in the life of tlvsnjunkie and his crappy ass friends.” Something like that. On to the update!
So, yesterday was the first day of the FIFA World Cup which only comes around every 4 years. I am a soccer addict when the World Cup rolls around. The games are way more exciting than what I normally get to see on TV here in the states. As you probably know, I am a huge sports fan. I can stand to watch almost any competitive team sport on TV. Now, I get a semi invite to attend river tubing from this friend that has cut me out of their life for the past month or two. I say semi invite because… well… here it is:
If you don’t go out tonight and binge, I’m going tubing in the morning, early.
Yup, that was it. So, I take that to mean that he wants to hang out, wants me to go tubing with him tomorrow morning. I respond to this with a “how early is early” and get the response “7.30 or so.” I get this email at about 10am and I seriously consider the offer (or lack there of). I come to the conclusion that I’d rather sleep in since I only get 2 of these wonderful sleep in days a week. I decide to hold off replying stating that I’m not going to make it until I’m absolutely positive that I don’t want to go. Towards the end of the day, I am talking with the guy from Austria that works at our office. I tell him how excited I am about the England game the next day. I mention how I’m glad it’s in the afternoon to which he corrects me by saying “Oh no! The England game is at 6am here!” CRAP. So that settles it in my mind, I can’t go with this guy because I have to watch the game at 6am! At 4.30pm on Friday I send my friend an email telling him the following:
I won’t be able to make tubing tomorrow. Maybe next time though!
I get a response to this email that equates me to another mutual friend we have who is always “mysterious” with her plans and never tells us anything about what she does when she declines our invites. I figure, ok, that’s cool. He’s just trying to be funny. It’s all good.
FAST FORWARD TO SATURDAY
This friend returns from his trip to the river and gets on AIM and messages me the following:
Him> why didn’t you respond to my email?
me> I’m not sure what sort of response you’re looking for?
Him> Is that the sort of communication you’d expect to come from me? Would you be ok with that?
me> I’m not sure what you mean? You didn’t ask a question in that email so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to respond to. If you want to know what plans I had that kept me from tubing, you can ask. The email you sent stated an opinion you had of me, which is cool.
Him> Thanks for reminding me why I hate talking to you, I had temporarily forgotten.
me> ok.
me> I’m glad I coudl help.
me> Since you seem to need to know what my plans were that kept me from tubing, they were watching England vs Paraguay at 6am on ABC.
(10 mins later)
Him> wow, that’s even worse than I imagined – was that not scheduled at 11 yesterday?
Him> or were you waiting for something better to come long and that was the best thing you could come up with
“Him” signed off at Sat Jun 10 14:30:38 2006.
So, as you can see, he signed off before I could respond. Anyway, I discussed it with jello_queen and she tells me that it seems as though he believes that I was trying to make an excuse not to hang out with him. So, going on the advice of others, I send an email response to this IM message that states the following:
I was not trying to find an excuse not to hang out with you, I just found out late in the day tht the England game was on at 6am vs the afternoon start time that I had assumed it was going to be.
That’s where it stands.
See! My friends are totally awesome. I’ll keep you posted on the situation, if I get any sort of response to my email, you’ll find out about it here. I really am planning on posting the drama on this site because I find it amusing.
Until later people!
LET’S GO OILERS!!
The Current Week & The Past Week
May 12th
Ok, so here’s an update on what’s been going on the past 2 weeks…
Last week at work was the most hectic, crazy, out of control, annoying weeks I’ve ever had at this new job! It drove me crazy. I’m not 100% sure why but I think it had to do with the fact that I had great weekend plans to go to the Grand Canyon and just do the touristy thing up in NorAz (Northern Arizona). Anyway, the shitty week at work was topped off with a uber shitty Friday evening… details follow.
Friday (Cinco de Mayo) was to be a night of fun and friends. I was attending a Kathy Griffin comedy event that evening with some friends… dinner was to be done before the event. Dinner, with friends… I’m greeted by one friend who is very cold and standoffish towards me. I find this to be strange because I don’t have any idea why this person is acting like this towards me. I greet everyone… that greeting is not acknowledged by this one person, that’s when I know the evening is going to be strange. Dinner begins, the normal friend chat happens… except when it comes to this one friend talking/interacting with me. There is a conscious effort on his part to not speak to me, give me eye contact, engage me in any way. Totally freaking strange and uncomfortable. I figure it may just be me, i’ve had a crappy week at work and maybe my brain just is making me imagine things. Dinner ends and we go to the event. In the parking lot of the venue, one of our mutual friends comes up to me, before this other person arrives, and says “What the hell is going on?? Something strange was going on between you two, I could feel it!” That’s when I know it’s not my imagination and that it’s real. The rest of the evening goes by in much the same way, no communication, acknowledgement, etc. Very crappy and petty, in my opinion. Anyway, the evening ends, I go away for the weekend… and then begins a new week of crap…
This week… I have dubbed it the “week of crap” because it is. The week starts on a high note, I went and got myself a cat, and she’s sooo cute (no name yet though). From there on, it goes down hill. I learn from a mutual friend that an invite went out for a basketball game, I was conveniently left off that list. An invite went out for a weekend event, I was also conveniently left off that list. I sent emails to this friend, just normal friend type emails which have been ignored. I catch a summer cold, feel like crap for 2 days. Week continues to be crappy… get a call from my dad telling me that my Grandfather in Flagstaff has literally days left because of kidney failure. Wednesday (midweek) is when I find out about the basketball invite that I was left out of the loop on and that’s all I can really handle. I send an email to said friend asking what is wrong, what have I done, etc. Thursday… I get a response to that email (surprisingly) late in the afternoon. I shouldn’t be so happy considering what is said in the response email, but how could I have known what was going to be in it. The Jist of the email is as follows…
yes, you have pissed me off, multiple times. no, you’re not imagining it, i’m giving you attitude. I don’t feel it’s worth my time or effort to explain what’s wrong because you already know what’s wrong and any time we’ve discussed what’s wrong it’s not stopped from more of what is wrong to happen. I don’t want to discuss it, i’ve become disillusioned in trying to find a solution. Don’t let my crappy attitude towards you effect any of our mutual friends.
I wrote that whole “wrong” thing because I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG. I wouldn’t’ have asked if I knew! GDit! I also took the “i don’t want to discuss” and the “i don’t feel it’s worth my effort” to mean that the friendship we had is not important enough to him to try and save, which hurts. The last line of the email really put the icing on the cake. Basically, he’s saying that he’s warning me that there will always be the shitty attitude that I experienced on Friday and I’m forewarned. If I cancel on events or back out, i’m not punishing him, i’m punishing our other friends, he is in no way at fault for anything. WTF!?!?
I sent a short email back, saying that I honestly don’t know what is wrong and that’s why I’m asking followed by a statement saying that we’ve been good friends for a long time and i don’t want it to end because of something that can be easily fixed. I’m currently waiting for a response.
In Summary, this week I’ve gotten a new cat, gotten sick, learned my grandpa has days left, and had a very good friend tell me they no longer want to be my friend for reasons unknown to me. I’ve been through the emotional ringer and i’m spent.
So, anyway, that’s what’s been going on in my life, it’s pretty crappy as of late. This weekend had promise but now it looks pretty bleak.
Disappointed and Such
Apr 17th
Ok, so I’m disappointed that I have not received any feedback on my picture blog, but I will continue to post there in case some of you get joy from seeing the photographs.
Now the and such part…
For some odd reason it seems that I only post here when I have to vent, but there is good reason for that. People that I want to vent about do not know about this page and so I am free to express myself anyway that I wish, without fear of retribution/retaliation. I mean, in a perfect world, I would be able to do this to people’s faces, etc… but alas, this world is not perfect.
Ok, so this is one of my many friends posts. I have many issues with friends. I’m wondering if it’s me changing as a person or if it’s them changing… or both of us simultaneously… I’m not sure. Anyway, I’m afraid that I may be losing these people as friends, and to my knowledge, through no fault of my own. It just seems that we are not on the same train of thought lately. Everything one says to the other gets misread or misinterpreted and leads to retarded arguments… even if they are unstated arguments. Currently I’m dealing with one of these unstated deals. Anyway, not really going to go into background details about the event that started the whole thing but I will give you a cliffs notes version.
— Begin Conversation —
Me: “want to go out tonight?”
Them: “only if you can get person ‘a’ or person ‘b’ to come along.”
Me: “why, am I and person x not cool enough for you to hang out with?”
Them: “yup, you guys aren’t cool enough for me.” (i kid you not, this was not said with any sort of levity or sarcasm)
Me: “wow.”
— End Conversation —
Person ‘a’ ends up coming out at the last minute. I decide not to call this friend to let them know that person ‘a’ has joined our twosome group. I figure the invitation was given and if you don’t want to chill with two people I figure you consider your friends, then why should the situation change if person ‘a’ is there? Am I wrong? Was it a horrible thing for me to do? Should I have re-invited the friend? Ok, I do have to admit that this friend was called by a drunken member of the party during the evening in which the fact that person ‘a’ was present was let out of the bag. Sort of a shitty thing but what are you going to do. This led to the friend hanging up and a text message sent to my phone calling me an asshole to which i responded (i shouldn’t have) by calling said friend a jerk. So, read all this info, let me know your thoughts.
I’m currently taking a break from this person. I figure that’s the best thing at the moment. Oh, they aren’t going to change… I’m going to have to, I think…. it really does sadden me.
I have gotten feedback from a mutual friend that we both have in which they say the percentage of ‘giving’ to the relationship is 85% me 15% the other. Not really fair… and I’m not sure, but I think the fact that I’ve come to this realization is what is affecting (is that correct?) the current state of our friendship.
I’ve been told on multiple occasions by different people that I’m one of the most compromising friends they have and that I resist the most to last minute changes or to even doing things that I may not really want to do. Anyway, as you can see, I’m being troubled by this and advice/words of encouragement (or even criticisms) are welcome.
And one more “and such” comment….
I’m reading applications for this scholarship that I had when I went to university. These are all very worthy children that would greatly benefit from this money. I’m part of the selection committee and we will be holding our interviews on Thursday and Friday of this week. I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I saw in front of me but as the days grow closer, I am becoming very excited. I can’t wait to meet some of these people and to see if they are actually anything like what they look like on paper. That will definitely help me in my decision making.
Ok, this was a long post and I will make them shorter from now on. Please check out my picture blog. Look for pics from my hiking trip this upcoming weekend!!
http://danspicblog.blogspot.com